Wheels-Near-U blog » Motor Critic of the Week http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog Your local way to buy & sell all sorts of vehicles Sat, 08 Nov 2008 14:09:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 en Motor Critic of the Week http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/28/motor-critic-of-the-week-3/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/28/motor-critic-of-the-week-3/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2007 09:07:34 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/28/motor-critic-of-the-week-3/ This week rather than focus on one motor critic we are going to look at quotes from the non motor related arena. From Bill Bryson the world famous american writer to George Bernard Shaw the well known Irish literary critic this weeks Motor critics probably never expected to feature on Wheels-Near-U, but their quotes are both funny and noteworthy.

Billie Holiday: Motor Critic“Germans are flummoxed by humour, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.” - Bill Bryson - (American Writer)

“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” - Will Shriner (American Comedian born in 1953)

“They think they can make fuel from horse manure - Now, I don’t know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it’s sure gonna put a stop to siphoning” - Billie Holiday (American jazz singer from the 1930s to the 1950s)

Ernest Hemingway - Motor Critic of the Week“There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.” - Ernest Hemingway (American novelist who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1954)

“What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?” - George Bernard Shaw (Irish literary Critic, Playwright and Essayist who won the 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature)

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/28/motor-critic-of-the-week-3/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: James May http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/21/motor-critic-of-the-week-james-may/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/21/motor-critic-of-the-week-james-may/#comments Fri, 21 Sep 2007 08:00:26 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/21/motor-critic-of-the-week-james-may/ James May: Top Gear Presenter: Motor Critic

James May is an award winning journalist best known for presenting Top Gear, alongside Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond. Once a week he writes a column in the motoring section of The Daily Telegraph.

Nicknamed Captain slow for his laid back approach to track racing, he is one of the few people that has been able to take a Bugatti Veyron to its maximum speed of nearly 253mph (one third the speed of sound.)

James May and Jeremy Clarkson were the first people (aided by a small Icelandic support crew) to drive to the Magnetic North Pole in a customised Toyota pickup truck. James was also, according to Jeremy - “the first man to reach the Magnetic North Pole who didn’t really want to go there in the first place.”

Heres some of his classic James May Motoring quotes:

“He’s not sure whether he’s driving, or in a branch of Dixons.” - Honda S2000

“What’s the Norwegian for “Oh, cock”?“

“I’ve just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.” - Top Gear Survey

“Would the Element be a car for people who like hip-hop, or for people waiting for a hip-op?” - Honda Element

“Actually, this is why it’s called the F360, this model. You drive along and you go ‘ffffffff’ and you do a 360!” - Ferrari F360 handling

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/21/motor-critic-of-the-week-james-may/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Richard Hammond http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/14/motor-critic-of-the-week-richard-hammond/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/14/motor-critic-of-the-week-richard-hammond/#comments Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:00:17 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/14/motor-critic-of-the-week-richard-hammond/ Richard Hammond Motoring Quotes

Richard Hammond - Presenter of Top Gear on BBC - nicknamed “Hamster” by his co-hosts Jeremy Clarkson and James May is this weeks Motor Critic of the Week.

Born in Birmingham Richard has been in tv and radio for years, as well as Top Gear he also co-hosts the live annual motor show (MPH) held at Earls Court and the Birmingham NEC with Jeremy Clarkson and Tiff Needell (Fifth Gear) and presents the show ‘Brainaic: Science Abuse’.

You may also read his weekly column covering motor related topics, which can be found in the motoring section of the Daily Mirror (Fridays.)

He sustained a serious brain injury in September 2006, in a high speed crash at 288 mph but has since made a full recovery, coming back on air for a top gear episode just 4 months later!

Ever the committed Journalist, comic quoter and general good bloke - Richard Hammond - Motor Critic of the Week - here’s some of his classic quotes:

 

“the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!” - Hyundai Accent

“The last time I saw plastic like this it contained Tic-Tacs.” - American Car Dashboard

“Understeer works like this: [moving a model of a Ford Focus] you drive down the road, turn the wheel, but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. Oversteer works like this: [moving a model of a BMW series 3] you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel, but the back of the car comes round like this [showing how the car does a 180], and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now, oversteer is best, because you don’t see the tree that kills you.” - Understeer and Oversteer

“My life is now in the hands of A-level physics.” - Sitting in a car in Germany, waiting to be struck by lightening

“Don’t forget, she was only half a second a mile behind you, and she was in this van.” - Mocking Jeremy Clarkson’s lap of the Nürburgring.

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/14/motor-critic-of-the-week-richard-hammond/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Chris Chilton http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/07/motor-critic-of-the-week-chris-chilton/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/07/motor-critic-of-the-week-chris-chilton/#comments Fri, 07 Sep 2007 07:00:46 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/07/motor-critic-of-the-week-chris-chilton/ Motor Critic of the Week Chris ChiltonOur motor critic of the week this week: Chris Chilton - a car enthusiast and ex Mechanic who has worked as a motor journalist for several years. Currently writing for CAR magazine, Chris offer’s a to the point soba view on the cars of today.

Here is some quotes from one of his latest articles where he test drove the Maserati GranTurismo.

“Scything through turns, leather driving gloves rarely shifting from ten-to-two on the Nardi wheel, dispatching lines of asthmatic super minis without car or driver breaking a sweat.” - Maserati GranTurismo in Italy

“it steers accurately, if without being overly talkative, as we start climbing snow-ward and the perforated leather wheel is above as perfect as they come, superbly shaped, not too big or too fat and without a nonsensical flat bottom” - Maserati GranTurismo Steering

“Its like saying the Landrover 110 and and M3 are the same length so they must be similar to drive” -Factory Figures from Maserati

“The GT’s three-card winning hand is the cachet of the Maserati’s name, styling that’s as distinctive as the BMW’s but less derivative than the Jag’s and a package that’s rarer than either can afford“ - Maserati Gran Turismo

Keep up the good work Chris.

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/09/07/motor-critic-of-the-week-chris-chilton/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Jeremy Clarkson http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/31/motor-critic-of-the-week-jeremy-clarkson/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/31/motor-critic-of-the-week-jeremy-clarkson/#comments Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:52:32 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/31/motor-critic-of-the-week-jeremy-clarkson/ Jeremy Clarkson Motor Critic of the week!This week we revisit Clarkson as our Motor Critic of the week, his witty reviews of cars provide a good proportion of comic critique and unfiltered opinion:

“I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said, “You know, can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.” - Jeremy on Jay Kay’s Ferrari Enzo

“Ferrari is so pleased with it, they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car…”The Colin”. ” - Ferrari Enzo

“It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive… so has it worked? - Oh.. Ohh, my God. No… no… no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t. ” - TVR Tuscan 2

“You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says its too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.” - TVR Tuscan 2

We have constructed a page along side this blog series of all the motoring quotes we collect. This is viewable from the following link - read the best, funniest and most quality motor critics around:

http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/motor_critic_of_the_week_quotes

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/31/motor-critic-of-the-week-jeremy-clarkson/feed/ (Motor) Critic of the Week: AA Gill http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/24/motor-critic-of-the-week-aa-gill/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/24/motor-critic-of-the-week-aa-gill/#comments Fri, 24 Aug 2007 06:46:12 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/24/motor-critic-of-the-week-aa-gill/ AA Gill : Critic of the WeekAA Gill (Adrian Anthony Gill) is a well known British critic, whose writing stems far from the British newspaper column. He has written critique on a huge range of things, offering restaurant reviews with harsh clarity. Most recently he was known as the man that Gordon Ramsey threw out (along with Joan Collins) as in a review he called him a wonderful chef, but a “second-rate human being”.

He may at times not be too everyone’s taste, but he says what he thinks, which in the end is the critics job. He has one countless awards including Times Magazine Columnist of the year and Travelex’s Travel writer of the year.

However this week we focus on some quotes from AA Gill’s latest review on the Mini Cooper S, which includes comments about his own experience with his second hand Bentley.

” There’s a boot you could pack the entire cast of The Sopranos in, and under the bonnet there appears to be a medium-sized nuclear reactor.” - Gill on His old Bentley.

” The Mini Cooper S is a tardis car. It pretends to be small and neat and sylphlike, but the driver’s bit inside is huge” - New Mini Cooper S

” Is that a tap or does it turn on the lights?” - Mini Cooper S Controls

“What it’s actually like is a contemporary comprehensive kid compared with a skinny free-milk kid of the Sixties.” - AA Gill compares the new mini with the old.
“ Secondhand Bentleys are so big that they can park in two style zones simultaneously. They’re deeply cool and fundamentally uncool at the same time” - Bentleys

” The Bentley is near-on 30 years old. It was built in Britain by hand. It had three or four owners before me. It’ll probably have five or six more and go on for another 20 years. That’s impeccable recycling.” - AA Gill’s thoughts on how a Bentley is more eco-friendly than a Mini Cooper S.

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/24/motor-critic-of-the-week-aa-gill/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Tom Ford http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/17/motor-critic-of-the-week-tom-ford/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/17/motor-critic-of-the-week-tom-ford/#comments Fri, 17 Aug 2007 07:10:42 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/17/motor-critic-of-the-week-tom-ford/ Tom Ford: Motor Critic of the WeekOur Motor critic of the week this week is Tom Ford. He is a presenter to the show Fifth gear and the deputy editor of Top Gear Magazine.

He started out with a degree in Philosophy from Colchester University and has had careers as a performance artist, flame thrower and now a journalist. He owns a Modified Vauxhall Monaro, but this week his great motor critic quotes relate to the new (2007) BMW M3.

“Well this is an engine that Ferrari would be proud of, except that Ferrari would never have managed to create an engine like this, because someone overdosing on industrial strength espresso would have gone out to buy a packet of cigarettes halfway through the build and forgotten to put the spark plugs in” - In reference to the BMW M3’s 90 degree V8

“This is an engine that is precision itself, tyrannical perfection. This is an engine that could only have come from Germany.” - Again in reference to the BMW M3’s 90 degree V8

“There’s a double wet sump system that uses an industrial-grade oil pump to make sure that even when you’re trying to tear the tyres off, the engine wont starve of oil” - More on the BMW’s Engine

“It has a vocal range that would leave Mariah Carey Popping an Eyeball” - On the M3’s sound

“What is an open-handed slap of performance closes into a fist when you stab the ‘M’ Button” - The M Button

Tom Ford - Motor Critic of the Week - Keep up the good work Tom!

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/17/motor-critic-of-the-week-tom-ford/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Simon Moistbourne http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/10/motor-critic-of-the-week-2/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/10/motor-critic-of-the-week-2/#comments Fri, 10 Aug 2007 08:01:36 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/10/motor-critic-of-the-week-2/ This w1987 Jaguar XJ - Although this ones not gold!eek’s motor critic is Simon Moistbourne, who writes a piece in Top Gear magazine as well as the Bournemouth Trumpet.

This week he describes his experiences of his first English Super car - The Jaguar XJ.

“After some protracted haggling and a vague threat of violence against me that gorgeous mostly gold Jaguar was mine and I was happy as Larry”

“Jaguar Founder Dr William Lions may have installed every Jaguar with features like refinement, comfort and style but I am certain he never insisted the 1987 Jaguar XJ should come with a large rat that crawls out of the dashboard and attempts to bite the driver. Sadly when this ‘optional extra’ reared its head in my new Jag I was briefly distracted and found attempts to retain control of the car were rather impeded”

Simon Moistbourne always has an interesting story about a motor, and never fails to provide some excellent motoring comments!

]]> http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/10/motor-critic-of-the-week-2/feed/ Motor Critic of the Week: Jeremy Clarkson http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/03/motor-critic-of-the-week/ http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/03/motor-critic-of-the-week/#comments Fri, 03 Aug 2007 12:39:51 +0000 Wheels Near U Team http://www.wheels-near-u.co.uk/blog/2007/08/03/motor-critic-of-the-week/ Wheels-Near-U Motor Critic of the week - Jeremy ClarksonThis is the first of a series of ‘Motor Critic of the Week’, what we plan to be a topical collection of some of the funniest, most accurate and most outrageous motoring comments from our nation of motor critics.

It would be wrong in this instance not to start with Jeremy Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson is a celebrity, noted as an iconic British star with a level of skill at dispensing wit rivalling his love for the car. He has a honorary degree from Brunel University and has driven a car to the North Pole. A feat that no other man (apart from James May who was a passenger at the time) could claim.

So here are our Classic Clarkson Quotes for Today:

“It’s so comfortable you can run over anything up to a medium-sized fox and not even notice“ - Audi R8

“From the wheel of a Veyron, France is the size of a small coconut. I cannot tell you how fast I crossed it the other day. Because you simply wouldn’t believe me” - Bugatti Veyron

“Sure it’s quiet, for a diesel. But that’s like being well-behaved… for a murderer.” - Diesel Motors

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