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Home > Motor Critic of The Week Quotations

Motor Critic of The Week Quotations

Quotes by AA Gill

"The Bentley is near-on 30 years old. It was built in Britain by hand. It had three or four owners before me. It’ll probably have five or six more and go on for another 20 years. That’s impeccable recycling." - Bentley vs Mini Cooper S on Eco-points

"Secondhand Bentleys are so big that they can park in two style zones simultaneously. They’re deeply cool and fundamentally uncool at the same time" - Bentleys

"What it’s actually like is a contemporary comprehensive kid compared with a skinny free-milk kid of the Sixties." - Comparing New Mini Cooper S to the Old

"Is that a tap or does it turn on the lights?" - Mini Cooper S Controls

"The Mini Cooper S is a tardis car. It pretends to be small and neat and sylphlike, but the driver’s bit inside is huge" - New Mini Cooper S

"There’s a boot you could pack the entire cast of The Sopranos in, and under the bonnet there appears to be a medium-sized nuclear reactor." - Describing his old Bentley

Quotes by Chris Chilton

"The GT's three-card winning hand is the cachet of the Maserati's name, styling that's as distinctive as the BMW's but less derivative than the Jag's and a package that's rarer than either can afford" - Maserati GranTurismo

"Its like saying the Landrover 110 and and M3 are the same length so they must be similar to drive" - Factory Figures from Maserati

"it steers accurately, if without being overly talkative, as we start climbing snow-ward and the perforated leather wheel is above as perfect as they come, superbly shaped, not too big or too fat and without a nonsensical flat bottom" - Maserati GranTurismo Steering

"Scything through turns, leather driving gloves rarely shifting from ten-to-two on the Nardi wheel, dispatching lines of asthmatic super minis without car or driver breaking a sweat." - Maserati GranTurismo in Italy

Quotes by James May

"Actually, this is why it's called the F360, this model. You drive along and you go 'ffffffff' and you do a 360!" - Ferrari F360 handling

"Would the Element be a car for people who like hip-hop, or for people waiting for a hip-op?" - Honda Element

"I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French." - Top Gear Survey

"What's the Norwegian for "Oh, cock"? " - Foul up

"He's not sure whether he's driving, or in a branch of Dixons." - Honda S2000

Quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

"You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says its too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes. " - TVR Tuscan 2

"It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? - Oh.. Ohh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't. " - TVR Tuscan 2

"Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car...”The Colin". " - Ferrari Enzo

"I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said, "You know, can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing." - Jay Kay's Ferrari Enzo

"Sure it’s quiet, for a diesel. But that’s like being well-behaved… for a murderer." - Unknown Diesel Engine

"From the wheel of a Veyron, France is the size of a small coconut. I cannot tell you how fast I crossed it the other day. Because you simply wouldn’t believe me" - Bugatti Veyron

"It’s so comfortable you can run over anything up to a medium-sized fox and not even notice" - Audi R8

Quotes by Richard Hammond

"My life is now in the hands of A-level physics." - Sitting in a car in Germany, waiting to be struck by lightening

"Understeer works like this: [moving a model of a Ford Focus] you drive down the road, turn the wheel, but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. OVERsteer works like this: [moving a model of a BMW series 3] you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel, but the back of the car comes round like this [showing how the car does a 180], and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now, oversteer is best, because you don't see the tree that kills you." - Understeer / Oversteer

"The last time I saw plastic like this it contained Tic-Tacs." - American Car Dashboard

"the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!" - Hyundai Accent

"Don't forget, she was only half a second a mile behind you, and she was in this van." - Mocking Jeremy Clarkson

Quotes by Simon Moistbourne

"Jaguar Founder Dr William Lions may have installed every Jaguar with features like refinement, comfort and style but I am certain he never insisted the 1987 Jaguar XJ should come with a large rat that crawls out of the dashboard and attempts to bite the driver. Sadly when this ‘optional extra’ reared its head in my new Jag I was briefly distracted and found attempts to retain control of the car were rather impeded" - Jaguar XJ

"After some protracted haggling and a vague threat of violence against me that gorgeous mostly gold Jaguar was mine and I was happy as Larry" - Jaguar XJ

Quotes by Tom Ford

"What is an open-handed slap of performance closes into a fist when you stab the ‘M’ Button" - M Button

"It has a vocal range that would leave Mariah Carey Popping an Eyeball" - BMW M3's Vocals

"here’s a double wet sump system that uses an industrial-grade oil pump to make sure that even when you’re trying to tear the tyres off, the engine wont starve of oil" - BMW M3's V8

"his is an engine that is precision itself, tyrannical perfection. This is an engine that could only have come from Germany." - BMW M3's V8

"Well this is an engine that Ferrari would be proud of, except that Ferrari would never have managed to create an engine like this, because someone overdosing on industrial strength espresso would have gone out to buy a packet of cigarettes halfway through the build and forgotten to put the spark plugs in" - BMW M3's 90 Degree V8